Her name...
So, I usually refer to my daughter as Baby Girl or just that, our daughter. That is due to the fact that I don't want to put her name out there. I love her name and obviously there are a lot of people who know her name. Everybody who knows us personally actually. Sometimes our friends and family include it in comments they post on social media (e.g.: "I love *'s outfit!"). When that happens I either delete the comment or when I leave it is because most of my family and friends don't even refer to her with her real name.
Her face...
I don't post any photos where one can directly see my daughters eyes. I usually censor them with some scribbles or make sure they are somehow otherwise censored. On occasion I do let people post pictures of her. Mostly when I can't be directly associated with her though or if me and the person posting don't have any common friends or followers and it's a temporary post. And they ask for permission before they post. I am and will be okay with group photos being taken and published especially in school settings and I will explain why.
Why...
...would I do that?
1. We made a parental decision
My husband is way more of a private person than I am. He rarely uses social media for the purpose of portraying himself. He doesn't necessarily want or need his daughter's pictures out there. I am okay with that. I think this is a very important conversation to have with the other parent of your child even before your baby is born. It's a serious topic these days and I would consider it to be a "major decision", next to health, religion and education.
How public do you want your child's life to be?
Is one picture when baby is a newborn okay, because they're going to change anyway or do you want to keep all of it private? OR do you want to use social media as a public photo album and post every step of the journey with your new bundle of joy and as new parents?
There's honestly no right or wrong here but you have to make a decision.
2. I don't want people talking bad about her just because she is my daughter
This probably sounds really dramatic and I don't think this is understood the right way without an explanation. My daughter is a beautiful baby girl who hasn't done anything bad to anybody, but I am still sure there are people out there who talk about her in a depreciative way. And that's just because she is MY daughter. Not that I am a terrible person or a controversial celebrity, but there are people out there I don't talk to (any more). And people who make a big effort to know about my life even though they're not part of it. You know, these people who are sometimes referred to as "stalkers" in a colloquial way. Who knows... maybe there are also people I occasionally talk to, who I wouldn't expect to say bad things about me. Make a long story short:
I don't want to fuel their gossip by giving them pictures of my innocent little girl.
Or any stories about her personal life, but I'll get to that in a different blogpost. In a lot of cultures what I mean could be considered giving somebody the evil eye. While I think it is most commonly received in person I am still protective over my daughter's pictures receiving the evil eye from bitter individuals.
But this also means that I am less worried about group pictures with other children or individual photos where she can't be distinguished as herself or my daughter at the first glimpse.
3. I want her to be able to decide
Right now we make all her small every day and all the big important decisions for her. This is a normal part of parenthood and every caring parent will do this using their best judgement. That doesn't mean that some decisions can't be postponed.
If she decides to post her whole life story on youtube or TikTok (or whatever is cool then - man I'm getting old! lol) once she is old enough (when that is still has to be decided) I will most likely not interfere with that. But I want it to be her decision. And I want her to understand the consequences and deal with them.
Those three main arguments being discussed I also want to throw the safety argument in the mix.
I am personally not very worried about somebody preying on us online to then kidnap my daughter. It's a very scary thought though and it has happened to other families, so be aware of that.
I also want to mention that I am completely fine with parents deciding to publish pictures of their children. I honestly enjoy following a lot of families on social media and seeing their everyday life. I realize that it makes it more appealing (to me as well) to follow families when you actually see the kids' faces but it still isn't the right practice for me and my family.
Thank you for visiting my blog!
Mery
