Second hand guide for mom, dad and baby (& all thrift toddler clothing haul)

Ugh! I'm late for my October blogpost - but it's my birthday tomorrow, so I hope I can be forgiven!

 

 

 

I was going to start this blog post by saying that thrifting has become more popular recently.  

However, I am not actually sure that's true. Wearing second hand clothes, hand clothes and toys down to younger family members and friends, as well as going to thrift stores has been part of my life since I was born, basically. 

What happened rather recently is, that I discovered how much better second hand is for the environment!

My husband and I have been getting most of the furniture for our new house pre-loved and we're making an effort to do the same with our and our daughter's clothing. Especially because she grows out of everything so quickly!

Why second hand? 

1. It's cheaper!

Is this the most persuading and obvious argument for second hand anything, as in clothes, toys, furniture, etc...? Most likely, yes.

What more is there to say about this one. Nobody wants to spend more money than necessary. So here it is. Second hand. Your frugal solution.

Just beware of people who are selling obviously used things for a pretty penny and marking them as "vintage", "retro" and "antique" for vanity and advertising reasons.
You don't need that kind of BS in your life.

2. It's eco- friendlier!

By not buying new clothing, but extending an already made garment's life cycle, you reduce the demand for fast fashion! One piece at a time you save valuable resources. That obviously goes for any other items as well. From furniture and home decor items to baby items and toys - so many things can be found pre-loved.

You have probably heard of what should be everyone's new mantra to save our planet:
Reduce, reuse, recycle!

Supporting the slow fashion movement and buying what you can pre-loved is a great way to reduce and reuse! 

3. Second hand clothes may contain less harmful substances.  

According to remake.world lots of conventional fabrics are made with harmful substances that promote health issues in humans. Check out what they have to say about conventional cotton and read the full blogpost here.

"Unlike organic cotton, a slew of toxic synthetic chemicals are also required in processing conventional cotton. Some of these chemicals include silicone waxes, petroleum scours, softeners, heavy metals, flame retardants, ammonia, and formaldehyde. Body heat and sweating actually accelerate the absorption of these residues into your skin." - remake.world

So, if you buy a worn-in piece (lots of people LOVE worn-in T-shirts and jeans!), it's most likely been washed a whole bunch of times already. That way the toxic chemicals might have mostly been rinsed and cycled out or at least reduced. And then you wash it one more time when you first get it, obviously.

Disclaimer: There's no way to prove that your piece is free of toxins, unless you take it to a lab.

4. You can find unique pieces and brands.

These are technically two arguments, but for some it might not be so desirable to find known brand names.

I sometimes like to be a little flashy though and I prefer certain designs and cuts. That's why I enjoy finding brands like Levi's, Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, Nike, Adidas etc. for a fraction of the original price. 

To me the best finds however, are the unique vintage pieces by named brands. 

For my toddler girl I have found vintage rompers, older collection track suits and T-Shirts, I've never seen before, at thrift stores all for less than $5 a piece. And every time I found one of those I did a little victory dance, because I love dressing my girl in these unique pieces, that no other child on the playground has.

5. Your new item is only new for one day. 

That's an argument, which hasn't ever occurred to me and I came across, while researching for this blogpost. It's so true though. 

Your new piece has been handled by lots and lots of people before you get to wear it. And once you have worn it, it's technically not even new anymore. I get that only YOU have worn it though, but hear me out. You can actually find new pieces, which were just owned by somebody else before, but never used!

Give it a try!

Where can I buy second hand?

1. Thrift shops
I'm sure you know of at least one thrift store in your area. Churches and Not-for-profit organizations sometimes have them conveniently located in residential neighborhoods.  

I like to shop at big thrift store chains like Savers, which belongs to the same family as Unique and Value Village. Then there are Good Will, Salvation Army and a little more boujee: Buffalo Exchange and Plato's Closet! 

Plato's Closet and Buffalo Exchange both sell and also buy gently used clothing. The buyers review the clothing and buy it, rather than selling donated clothing like a lot of other thrift stores. In my opinion the shopping experience is closer to browsing a typical fast fashion store because of the prior assessment of the items.

Plato's Closet belongs to the same family as Once Upon a Child.
Unfortunately I haven't been to a Once Upon a Child store yet, but I'd love to check it out one day.
The concept is the same as at Plato's closet, so I'm sure there's lots of treasures to (easily) find.
For now I'm just going to stick to diving deep into the unknowns in the kids section of our regular thrift stores. 

My advice: Search for baby and kids clothes in both girl & boy sections, as well as a couple sizes up. Stuff gets mixed up in thrift stores A LOT and I feel like the people who price and arrange the items sometimes have no clue, if something is boy/girl or unisex. Plus there's usually no unisex area anyway. So it seems like all pink stuff and dresses are girl and everything else is boy.

Search Thrift Shops in your are and you'll be surprised how many there are!

I've recently discovered Remember Yesteryears, which is more of an antique place but they are selling furniture, beautiful vintage dresses and some kids items!

Another fun place to visit is Deep End of the Sand Box! They have mostly vintage toys, records and T- Shirts, but there's a lot of other little things to discover as well.

The more difficult part about thrifting is finding the shops that feel fun to shop in and provide you with the pieces you love! This requires some time, patience and practice - hang in there and you'll soon be a thrifting pro :)

2. Online 

For clothing you can check out Poshmark, thredUp and if you love (and need!) outdoor clothing check out wornwear by Patagonia!

Also see if you can find what you need at Good Will's online auction house next time you're shopping online.

 

3. Facebook Marketplace

Oh, Facebook Marketplace. It's a love/hate relationship I have with you. Facebook Marketplace is basically my husband's instagram. He could spend all day just scrolling through and looking for the best deals in our neighborhood. I get so annoyed about it sometimes but I have to admit, we've found lots and lots of great deals. From furniture to toddler shoes. So... *sigh* What can I say?

4. Outdoor (flea) markets
In German we say "Flohmarkt" and I have fond memories of going to these outdoor markets every summer. There are specialized ones for kids, books, women, sneakers... etc. as well as antique markets. All of them would sell used and sometimes handmade stuff. Sometimes unique, sometimes mass produced. 

I haven't quite found one I like in my area yet, but I'll keep searching the internet and asking around.

 

Thrift Toddler Haul  

I have used second hand or hand-me-downs since day one with our daughter! Lots of her clothing, muslin blankets, swaddles, toys, books, even strollers were pre-owned, loved and full of other families' memories.

Just be careful with used shoes, mattresses and car seats. Do some research and make an educated decision. I would also never get anything second hand that goes in my child's mouth, like bottles, pacifiers and teethers.

Sometimes when I find pieces I love I get excited and actually arrange them into nice flat lays and make the time to take good pictures of them. So this was a haul from around 3 months ago, just to show you that you can find awesome pieces for less at thrift stores! 

 

If buying second hand clothing isn't for you, maybe you feel more comfortable borrowing clothes from friends or family members. Like Macklemore says: "I'ma take your grandpa's style, I'ma take your grandpa's style - No, for real, ask your grandpa, can I have his hand-me-downs?"

 

Also consider purchasing items that have been made from pre-loved materials and were recycled that way! You can often find those on Etsy!

 

Another way to participate in the slow fashion movement is to buy less and choose timeless pieces. Solid colors and cuts, that have been in style for decades are preferred. Also try to buy fabrics that are considered the eco- friendlier option: Natural materials like organic cotton, linen, hemp, as well as silk and wool, if you're not vegan.

Thank you for visiting my blog!

I really appreciate it.

 

Mery

How I captured my Baby's first year

First of all. You don't need to do any of this to be a "good parent".

The time and effort I used to create these things you could use and probably have used differently to engage with your child. So no pressure. The best memories aren't saved on a SD card or photo paper but in your heart anyway.

I am going to share what I did.

1. I wrote down her birth story

You see them everywhere these days. Instagram, youtube, blogs... Birth stories. And they are all beautiful.

When I was pregnant I was reading so many of them and listening  to all the mamas sharing their experiences in videos for hours. Laughing, crying, remembering the pain, reminiscing about the joy... the first time they saw their babies and the first time they smelled their sweet smell.

Time, place... How did you go into labor? How long were you in labor for? Did you get medication?
These are probably the things easiest to remember... I also wanted to be able to tell our daughter all the little details about her birth. 

I think the birth story written out on a nice piece of paper in an envelope can be a great addition to the baby's keepsake box of firsts. 

I don't want to share my birth story online for privacy and intimacy reasons, even though I'm very comfortable sharing in a safe space (with family members, other moms.. etc.). 

2. Footprints, handprints and all the firsts! 

Very typical, but I still want to mention the keepsakes of a baby's first year.

We have a footprint from her first couple of hours earth side and one where she was a little older but still tiny! Plus the handprint. 

We kept her little hospital bracelet and ankle bracelet, her coming-home outfit, her first pacifier, her first socks... it's all so tiny and precious. 

3. Every day for a year...

I wrote down something about our baby girl every day for her entire first year of life. 
Sometimes it was just a sentence and sometimes a whole paragraph. Not every day is filled with new achievements or milestones but if you try to be mindful you can pick out a little detail about each day and note it down. 

4. Pictures and videos on my phone

This one is the most obvious one and I am sure that 99% of the parents these days take at least 5000 pictures (and hopefully videos too!) of their child with their phone in the first year. Honestly though, these pictures to me are more like raw material. I like flipping through them every once in a while (and cry a little bit) but what do we make out of them?

5. A keepsake photo album

I purchased a beige linen cover photo album with blank pages to fill it with pictures of my daughter's life.

I included pictures of my pregnancy photoshoots with my friend Jessi, some ultrasound pictures and lots of beautiful photos of my baby. Unfortunately the book I bought didn't even fit her first year's worth of photos! I only got to her 6th month and now it's full... Oops.

I used different photo printing services but my favorite one of all times is Social Print Studio.

(This is in no way sponsored. I just love their products and want to spread some love.)

 

6. An analog photo album

"Analog film photography? Really?", you may ask yourself. Yeah! It's still a thing!

I'm definitely not a great photographer but I love the vintage feeling of analog photos. I take them with the camera my parents used to take baby pictures of me. It's an old Minolta camera and I love it dearly. I got a little separate photo album to store those special memories in. Look at these moments in our first days as a family on film.

 

 7. Polaroid photos

Okay. Story time.

When I was growing up we didn't own a Polaroid camera, but they were often present at fairs we went to, where you could pay to get a Polaroid photo taken of you. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. With these memories in my head and hanging out on indie tumblr blogs too much, when I was 18 I searched the internet for a used Polaroid camera and I found one for super cheap. I think I paid 25 Euros with shipping. The problem was the films. At the time they were very rare and expensive (50 Euros per film on eBay...). So I never knew if my camera actually worked or not. Until Polaroid started selling them for much less again. I couldn't wait to receive them and try it out. When I did and found out it worked I literally had tears in my eyes from happiness! I am able to take precious Polaroid pictures of my daughter and she'll be able to look at them when she's older and say: "Umm... did you guys not have digital cameras when I was born?"

No, just kidding. I have no clue what she will say, but I don't need her to appreciate them as much as I do.

I used little transparent sticky corners to temporarily give them a home in her linen photo album, but I didn't want to glue them in because there's obviously only one of each photo. I might want to display them differently at some point and I don't want it to be a pain to get them out. 

8. A (way too long) video compilation of her first year

As I mentioned before, the videos I took trough out the first year are more like raw material to me.

I knew I didn't want them to just be shared on messengers and sit in the cloud. All those short clips would not be fully appreciated that way. So I made a over 10 minute long video on iMovie. I would share it here, if it didn't invade my daughter's privacy. Let me tell you - it made people cry! 

I used free video music from free-stock-music.com and the song My little Girl by Jack Johnson as background music.

  

I can't wait to show her all these things when she's old enough to understand and appreciate them! 

She'll probably never feel the same way about all this as I do though.  

I hope you enjoyed reading about these ideas and maybe you even got inspired.

Thanks for visiting my blog!

Mery

1st Birthday: Water color Ocean smash cake (with recipe)

When I was thinking about what kind of cake to make for my daughter's first birthday I didn't have "healthy" or "sugar free" in mind. I didn't think she would actually eat (much of) it and even if she did... it's her birthday and she doesn't eat candy usually. So, the dough contains sugar, the cream doesn't.

I wanted it to be easy and fast to make, because I wasn't going to pour my heart out into a cake she's not going to appreciate and just going to destroy. And I don't have that much time on my hands anyways.

I still wanted it to look good though. For pictures, you know. For the 'gram!

For the base:

3 egg whites

3 egg yolks

100 grams or 1/2 cup of sugar

75 grams or 2/3 of flour

25 grams or 1/4 cup of cornstarch

1/2 teaspoon of baking powder

Optional: a drop of vanilla extract

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees F or 180 degrees C. Line a 7 inch round cake pan with parchment paper, only on the bottom. DO NOT grease the sides.
  
• Beat the egg whites for 3 minutes on high in a stand mixer (or with a handheld mixer until semi whipped/semi firm), then add half the sugar, beat again for 3 minutes.
• In another bowl beat the egg yolks with the other half of the sugar for around 5 minutes or until pale and fluffy. Add vanilla extract while mixing, if you wish.
  
• Fold the egg white fluff into the egg yolk fluff with a spatula. DO NOT use your mixer!
• Combine the flour, cornstarch and baking powder in a bowl before adding or sifting into your combined fluff. Sifting is better to avoid clumps but I usually don't.
  
• Pour the batter into a 7 inch round pan. Make sure to only fill 1/2 to 2/3 of the pan, so the cake doesn't grow over the pan!
  
• Bake for 20-30 minutes. Use the toothpick method to make sure your base is properly cooked!
• Allow the cake to cool completely before removing it from the pan.
• If your cake has an uneven top later, remove it. Otherwise cut the cake into 2 or 3 pieces.  
  

For the cream:

1/2 a pint of heavy whipping cream

1 teaspoon of cornstarch

• Pour the cold heavy whipping cream into your cold bowl, place onto your stand mixer and beat until semi whipped.
• Add the cornstarch.
  
• Keep beating until cream forms peaks but DO NOT over beat (or else you will have butter).
  

 

For the decor:

Wilton gel food coloring in the desired color

Schleich animal figurine matching the theme

Assembly:

For my cake, you'll just need to bake a simple sponge cake, remove the uneven top layer and cut it in half. I should've cut in 3 pieces for better texture and mix between cake and cream, but I didn't bother...

it was mostly for pictures and smashing!

You want to layer the pieces with cream and cover the entire cake in cream with an angled icing spatula or a wide knife.

For the water color effect add one drop of blue gel food coloring on your spatula and spread it across the cream, as if you were painting on it. The more you spread the food coloring, the lighter it will get on your cake. You can play around that way until you get your desired design.You can obviously use and mix different colors to match your theme!

Once you put the cake in the fridge to cool the color will most likely fade as it gets sucked into the cream. I would recommend decorating it à la minute.

Then add your preferred animal figurine on top or on the side, depending on the size of it.

Our whale was too huge to place it on top of the small cake!

Our One-year-old didn't care to smash it, by the way.

She was actually a little intimidated by the cake...

I hope you enjoyed reading this recipe and you will give it a try!

Let me know, if you do. It's very easy, I promise!

When I don't make this for a baby, I add sugar into the whipped cream and fresh or frozen berries on top of a layer of cream. It's delicious! I recently made a bigger naked chocolate drip cake with the same base and filling.

Here it is:

Thank you for visiting my blog.

Mery

Our self-isolation routine: Home all day with a 11 month old!

I started writing this post in the beginning of April when Baby Girl just turned 11 months old.
When I post this she'll be almost 12 months old! One year! Such a big girl! 
But our routine hasn't really changed in a month so I'm still posting this! 

*This post contains affiliate links. If you buy a product through them I get paid a percentage at no cost for you. Please remember you could always pick up items in a local store or thrift store as well. Shop small and local when you can :)

Since we started taking #socialdistancing seriously our days changed without a doubt.

I am the type of person who likes to get out of the house (even just to run errands!), get fresh air (even in the winter!), walk around the neighborhood, go to baby classes and see other mommies for coffee or lunch. I definitely wouldn't just stay home all day with my daughter if I didn't have to.

By myself I probably would be more likely to. On the couch. Cuddled up with my dogs, eating and binge-watching Netflix. If you don't have kids you might wonder: "Why doesn't she just do that with her baby?"

So first of all, she wouldn't let me. She is all over the place and wants to see and touch everything. She would probably jump of the couch, pinch the dogs and throw my food.
And second of all, I don't want her to be in that kind of environment all the time. Where we stare at our TV or phone all day. She doesn't really get any benefit from that and I just think that I can do better, if that makes sense. She's naturally very curious and I want to nourish that trait.

Our days are pretty much structured by meals and naps at the moment.
Structure is very important to me to stay sane.

After we get up in the morning, I change Baby girl's diaper and we get dressed for the day. I get her dressed in something cute, while I wear leggings or sweatpants and a hoodie most days.
We go downstairs, say "hi" to the dogs (literally! It's so cute!), let them out in the yard and make breakfast. She plays with some toys, which we leave in the kitchen for her or we make coffee together, which means that she gets to press the buttons on the coffee machine and she just stays on my hip to watch the milk froth and the coffee pour in.

This is the wooden house she has.

We thrifted it and don't have the little shapes,

which are supposed to go in the holes.

She still really enjoys playing with this.

We love these juggling/dance scarves!

I got Baby Girl her own set after we played with them in a baby class 

and she was so fascinated with them.

These are so versatile!

You can throw them up and watch them fall down 

or put them in something and pull them out. 

A little later when she'll start with imaginative or pretend play 

we could also use the blue ones to mimic water 

and the green ones for grass and place little animal figurines on them.

Can't wait!

Breakfast

When the mess Baby girl made at breakfast (& there always is one!) is cleaned up we go back upstairs, wash her, brush her teeth and play in her room.
Sometimes we call friends and family in Europe in the mornings (time difference!) and chat a little.

Since I speak Polish to her in the mornings we'll read a couple books in Polish, listen to Polish kids songs and sing along. We also have little jam sessions with maracas while the music plays. It's so cute how excited she gets about that!

Depending on her mood she might also just do some unstructured "free play", where she just roams around her room, pulls books of her shelf and blocks etc. out of the baskets. She pretty much makes a mess to the adult eye. During unstructured play children are supposed to get creative and just do whatever they want in a safe environment under supervision (at least at this young age!). The adults aren't supposed to interfere and tell them how to play with certain toys. I sometimes struggle with that because I do want to teach her how to use a toy in the intended way but she comes up with solutions, which are fun for her and I just sit and watch or play along.

Get the lobster romper here!

I am obsessed with it!

Between 11:45 and 12:45 she will usually get tired and she'll go down for her nap.

Nap (45min to 2h)

While she naps I'll have some Me-time! I'll check messages on my phone, scroll through instagram, blog, do some embroidery or drink a cup of coffee in peace. 

I'll check on her on our eufy baby monitor, which I absolutely love because the image is sooo clear! I'm always checking if she is still breathing and it's way easier to tell with the big display... #momlife 

You can also pan and tilt it, when baby moves around the crib or when you want to see something else in the room. It also has great reception so I can take it into the yard. And it obviously has all the normal features display of like temperature and time.  Serious recommendation, if you're unhappy with your monitor or don't have one yet.

After her nap it's time to speak German! When I get her out of the crib we usually cuddle a little right after and I change her diaper in her room. Then we go back downstairs for lunch. I always tell her that we go downstairs "langsam, langsam, langsam" and she finds that hilarious. It just means "slowly" in German because our stairs are so steep and somewhat slippery.
Most of the time we will have the same thing for lunch. Maybe I'll make a separate post about our meals. Youtuber style: "What we eat in a week"... :)

Lunch

After lunch I clean Baby girl's face and hands, while we sing a song which at the end asks to shake your hands (or whatever body part you're washing) to dry them. She is so good at associating this song with the motion - I am so impressed by that!

I also usually need to vacuum, wash dishes and water the plants at some point of the day. I try to include her as much as possible by explaining what I'm doing and most of the time carrying her or having her sit next to me while I do these tasks.

If the weather is nice we might either go into our yard or on a short - socially distant - walk in the neighborhood.

If it's not so nice out, we'll stay in listening to a playlist I made with a mix of German kids songs and Disney songs. Or we'll read German books.

Some days I'll try out some pinterest DIY toys. A lot of them were destroyed within less than a minute but she actually likes this one:

I found this picture on pinterest.

(Ours is not as pretty haha)

We also like playing with the toys in her room, like her stacking towers and her puzzles. She hasn't really figured them out yet, but she can get a wider plastic ring over the wooden middle part now! I've heard that this is easier for babies and will prepare them for putting the actual wooden ring with the smaller hole over the middle part eventually.

Other than that she likes exploring the baskets with the different contents in her room. I rotate the contents when I have the feeling she’s not too interested in the content anymore. I keep the spare toys in a big white chest in her room. She hasn’t figured out that there are more toys in there, so she’ll happily play with the ones displayed to her.

This looks way more crowded than it is in reality! I promise!

I really try to not overwhelm her with toys.

You'll find her IKEA stacking rings here!

I like that the stick is soft. I feel like injuries are less likely 

to happen because of that.

Her much prettier pastel colored stacking ring tower 

was a gift from her auntie Jessi 

and was bought in Germany (at Sostrene Grene, I think).

This one is similar. 

(But not as pretty as ours :P)

The pretty muted plastic rings 

we use on the wooden ring stacker instead 

of the actual rings, which go with this toy 

are also from Sostrene Grene, bought in Germany.

You could use any 2inch rings... 

wooden or the colorful plastic links you might already own.

She's getting better and better at these!

You also have to remember that getting the piece out

picking it up by the small knob is already a success!

It's good to start with the easiest shape - a circle! 

And then move on to more complicated ones :)

I can't find our puzzle anymore but this one is very similar.

Just watch out with the smallest circle. 

It might too small for your baby/toddler (Choking hazard!).

Baby girl loves these so much! 

They feel so nice and a little different from all the other toys

and I try to name them, whenever she plays with them.

I got those at a handmade store in Germany for very cheap. 

If you like them and can crochet try to make them yourself

because on amazon I find them to be crazyyy expensive.

Almost $13 for only one carrot! Wow!

But check out this etsy store!

That's 12 veggies or fruits for around $70!

Afternoon Snack

We usually have our afternoon snacks casually on the kitchen floor or while she sits on the kitchen counter and I'm right in front of her!!! Baby girl will usually have milk, fruit, some homemade sugar free baby treat or store bought puffs. After that I’ll usually wash some dishes and start making dinner.


Daddy comes home/finishes work


When my husband comes home from work at the office or finishes work at home he takes our daughter off my hands, so I can finish making food in peace. With both hands.
He will also help me with her during the day when he's home but most of the time he actually needs to work!
Again like at lunch time Baby girl will usually eat what we eat unless it's too spicy or too salty for her.


Dinner


There’s different types of dinners at our house and the ones with a tired baby aren’t the fun ones. So hopefully she wasn’t overly tired at dinner, so we can finish our food, while she is either still hanging out in her high chair or on the floor slightly bothering the dogs. After that we’ll take her upstairs to get her ready for bed. That’s the time when we can almost smell hot tea, some cookies, candles and Netflix (what does Netflix actually smell like?). She'll have some milk, while we read to her, brush teeth and then it's bedtime!


Bed time

When Baby girl is in bed we'll clean up downstairs and then enjoy our night sans baby!

And that’s it! Every freaking day, my friends.
Some days I have it all together like that with a routine. I feel like I structured our day successfully, so none of us was bored, frustrated or didn’t get enough useful input.

But on other days I am only playing half-heartedly, while staring out the window, worrying or spending too much time on my phone, researching Corona-News and texting or scrolling through Instagram. And then I get mad and frustrated at myself (because I’m really trying to be a “good mom” - what is that anyway?), even though I know we have all been there and there are no perfect parents out there.

We should all allow ourselves a break! A lot of parents didn't gain a single minute of time during the day since this global pandemic became part of our lives. I'm very happy for everybody (and only a little jealous) who is using this time as a paid vacation: sleeping in, exploring new hobbies and baking banana bread. I honestly had a much more balanced life before this all happened. At least once a week I enjoyed the luxury of not having to "plan" a morning activity because it was planned and performed for me at the local library - we just had to join. And afterwords I could enjoy some semi Me-time on a walk or a coffee/lunch date with other moms.

I know that staying at home and socially distant is important for all of us. We need to accept it. I can't pretend it doesn't bother me though. I'm just trying to express my irritation about the current situation and my grief of not being able to continue my life as it used to be. We recently moved here and I am still in the process of exploring the area, meeting people and making friends.

I hope this will all soon be over and we will be able see our loved ones here in New York, but also have friends and family from Germany, Poland and Colombia visit. We miss them so much!

Stay safe and healthy!

Thanks for visiting my blog!
Mery

Why I don't post any photos of my daughter or her name (on my blog or anywhere else)

It might not make any sense to some of you that I write a motherhood related blog without showing the individual who made me a mother, so I want to explain why this is the case.

Her name...

So, I usually refer to my daughter as Baby Girl or just that, our daughter. That is due to the fact that I don't want to put her name out there. I love her name and obviously there are a lot of people who know her name. Everybody who knows us personally actually. Sometimes our friends and family include it in comments they post on social media (e.g.: "I love *'s outfit!"). When that happens I either delete the comment or when I leave it is because most of my family and friends don't even refer to her with her real name.

Her face...

I don't post any photos where one can directly see my daughters eyes. I usually censor them with some scribbles or make sure they are somehow otherwise censored. On occasion I do let people post pictures of her. Mostly when I can't be directly associated with her though or if me and the person posting don't have any common friends or followers and it's a temporary post. And they ask for permission before they post. I am and will be okay with group photos being taken and published especially in school settings and I will explain why.

Why...

...would I do that?

1. We made a parental decision

My husband is way more of a private person than I am. He rarely uses social media for the purpose of portraying himself. He doesn't necessarily want or need his daughter's pictures out there. I am okay with that. I think this is a very important conversation to have with the other parent of your child even before your baby is born. It's a serious topic these days and I would consider it to be a "major decision", next to health, religion and education.  

How public do you want your child's life to be? 

Is one picture when baby is a newborn okay, because they're going to change anyway or do you want to keep all of it private? OR do you want to use social media as a public photo album and post every step of the journey with your new bundle of joy and as new parents?

There's honestly no right or wrong here but you have to make a decision.

2. I don't want people talking bad about her just because she is my daughter

This probably sounds really dramatic and I don't think this is understood the right way without an explanation. My daughter is a beautiful baby girl who hasn't done anything bad to anybody, but I am still sure there are people out there who talk about her in a depreciative way. And that's just because she is MY daughter. Not that I am a terrible person or a controversial celebrity, but there are people out there I don't talk to (any more). And people who make a big effort to know about my life even though they're not part of it. You know, these people who are sometimes referred to as "stalkers" in a colloquial way. Who knows... maybe there are also people I occasionally talk to, who I wouldn't expect to say bad things about me. Make a long story short: 

I don't want to fuel their gossip by giving them pictures of my innocent little girl.

Or any stories about her personal life, but I'll get to that in a different blogpost. In a lot of cultures what I mean could be considered giving somebody the evil eye. While I think it is most commonly received in person I am still protective over my daughter's pictures receiving the evil eye from bitter individuals.

But this also means that I am less worried about group pictures with other children or individual photos where she can't be distinguished as herself or my daughter at the first glimpse.


3. I want her to be able to decide 

Right now we make all her small every day and all the big important decisions for her. This is a normal part of parenthood and every caring parent will do this using their best judgement. That doesn't mean that some decisions can't be postponed. 

If she decides to post her whole life story on youtube or TikTok (or whatever is cool then - man I'm getting old! lol) once she is old enough (when that is still has to be decided) I will most likely not interfere with that. But I want it to be her decision. And I want her to understand the consequences and deal with them. 

Those three main arguments being discussed I also want to throw the safety argument in the mix. 

I am personally not very worried about somebody preying on us online to then kidnap my daughter. It's a very scary thought though and it has happened to other families, so be aware of that. 

I also want to mention that I am completely fine with parents deciding to publish pictures of their children. I honestly enjoy following a lot of families on social media and seeing their everyday life. I realize that it makes it more appealing (to me as well) to follow families when you actually see the kids' faces but it still isn't the right practice for me and my family.

Thank you for visiting my blog!

Mery

New Mom essentials

This is a list of 8 things I consider to be essential for your mommy journey, if...

1. you want to keep it simple and budget friendly
2. you want to breastfeed

Once you're a mom - even for the shortest amount of time - you're newly pregnant friends, old classmates, instagram followers you haven't met in person etc. ask you for your advice on giving birth, breastfeeding and baby products. Since I'm not a delivery nurse or midwife or a lactation consultant at all I obviously can't give professional advice. I can tell you what I used in those first six to eight weeks of baby limbo and beyond though! If you really need anything else you or better: somebody else could still get it later...

Remember that you need to REST! That's the most important part! I'll repeat it! REST and taking care of your baby are the most essential parts. Everything else can wait.
I knew this and still wanted to run around and be a "good mom" because I was so excited about having a baby and I was feeling great - until I wasn't. I'm also writing this for my future self!
REST, giiirrrlll! 







*This post contains affiliate links. If you buy a product through them I get paid a percentage at no cost for you. Please remember you could always pick up items in a local store or thrift store as well. Shop small and local when you can :)

1. Comfortable Nursing bras

I decided to breastfeed because of all the health benefits but you should also consider the financial savings and the convenience. I've been a mommy since May 2019 and I've never made a bottle for my baby girl! I carry around the milk (mostly) sterile and at the perfect temperature all the time! That's why I need my boobies to be easily accessible. And I want to be comfortable so nursing bras with no wires and thin straps is what I wanted and still wear.
I have ones similar to these and also these prettier ones by H&M with lace on them. But also how cute is this one?
Check them out! Or click the image for the 5-pack! I really recommend those. It's so easy!

Some moms will say that you can just use any of the bras you already have (or no bra at all!) but I honestly find it way more comfortable to just unclick the bra and have a lot of room for my baby to latch on.

After a couple months of breastfeeding, when my breast stopped leaking all the time and I didn't have to wear breast pads anymore, I also started using my sports or lounge bras like this one by Calvin Klein and this shape by meUndies again. I do feel like they get wider from whipping out the boob though, so only use these if you don't mind.

2. Nursing pads

 

I've tried a lot of nursing pads but always went back to the Lansinoh ones. Try them out!

I also thought about getting reusable and washable ones, which is obviously better for the environment but I honestly had so much laundry to do already and no dryer while I lived in Germany - so I ditched that idea fast. Maybe I'll try that with my next baby...

3. HUGE undies or the net ones from the hospital
(and Pads - a lot of them!)

I literally just bought underwear in XL (which I normally don't wear!) and tried to get a lot of fabric while still having undies which look somewhat cute. So I got undies similar to these:

 

Click the image if you're interested in them!

I don't know if that was naive because I didn't end up caring as much about how the undies looked on me as I thought I would while trying to keep a newborn and myself alive through these first weeks but whatever. I actually got them at Victoria's Secret when I could've just gotten simpler ones. But oh well... I stayed true to myself and my taste even through this phase of my life.

And don't forget the pads. Just get the biggest size you can get, preferbly without any plastic coating in or on them. Apparently plastic hinders the healing down there.

4. Lactation musli bars or cookies
(or just your favorite cereal bars!)

I got a bunch of lactation granola or musli bars for my baby shower and because I signed up for some store Baby newsletter programs in Germany. I don't know if they really helped with my lactation (my milk supply was great!) but they definitely did satisfy my hunger. I was literally ALWAYS hungry. I would say that I'm now often hungry. But in these first weeks I just wanted to eat ALL OF THE FOOD. So stack up on snacks. It would be cool if they were healthy but they should also be filling. And treats, so snacks you just like, to reward yourself for just having a baby. Obviously. C'mon.

5. Easy boob access tops & loose pants

I don't recall any mom ever telling me that it is annoying to keep your top up while you're breastfeeding when you're wearing a T-Shirt or Sweater or just any top without buttons or a zipper in the front. If I had heard that before I would've gotten more of them. Buttons and zippers are my best friends when it comes to tops these days.
You don't need tops specifically designed for breastfeeding but you can get them if you like them!
I like the nursing tank tops a lot actually.

Click the image to check them out :)

I love the aah-mazingly soft boyfriend flannels from American Eagle outfitters so I already owned some of those. But also any other flannel or shirt with buttons in the front works. You can get them from any brand really. I also like wearing the tank tops which unclick under a zip-up hoodie or the buttoned shirts. You have to make sure all your layers are able to unbutton or unzip because otherwise there is no point in wearing them.

If you don't mind holding up a top or tucking it under your armpit, then don't worry about this essential. For me personally it's very important to this day though because holding my shirt up while feeding my hungry caterpillar is driving me nuts! By the way: I've heard of the Breastfeeding clips but I just seem to be too forgetful for those. I can never remember to bring something like that, but I can remember to put on a shirt!

I only wore loose pants or a little bit tighter pants but a long shirt to cover my crotch for like 6 weeks after giving birth because of those the comfort and those HUGE PADS! I don't get how some moms wear leggings leaving the hospital - it just feels so uncomfortable (and you see the PAD!).

6.  Easy bidet or Cleansing bottle

You might be asking yourself: What is that supposed to be?
Well, since we didn't have a bidet in our bathroom in Germany and I'm sure many people don't I got myself a so-called "Podusche" - this one by HappyPo to be exact. You could also use one of these Cleansing bottles I've learned you are given in hospitals the US, but to me it seems a little messier than using the Easy Bidet. The Easy bidet is held horizontally and still sprays upwards. It's very easy to use. I couldn't find it in the US but this Frida Mom Upside down Peri Bottle, which comes pretty close to it, just doesn't look as stylish in my opinion:

Click the image if you want a clean and painless booty!

I don't want to go into detail too much. I'll just say that you use that after you use the bathroom instead of toilet paper and it feels waaay better down there! And it's very clean and hygienic!

7. Water & Lactation tea

Your baby wants to drink, so you have to as well! You obviously don't need fancy Fiji Water. I drank lots of water and all the tea my friends got me for my baby shower. I also liked drinking juices mixed with seltzer water - in Germany we call that Schorle. Generally I would recommend drinking any caffeine free drink that is not too high in sugar that you like. A lot of it! ;)

You could also treat yourself to a pretty drinking cup to motivate yourself or put it on your registry!


8. Nipple shield & nipple cream

I wasn't sure if I should include those here in the essentials because not every new mom will need them. I only used the Lansinoh nipple cream for a brief period. Actually just for two or three days.

In the beginning of our breastfeeding journey my baby girl had issues drinking from the left boob for some reason. I used a nipple shield on that side for around 3 to 4 months, mostly during the day, because at night she rarely had issues. I like the Medela nipple shields because they come in a two-pack with a little case. You will most likely get sore nipples while your body gets used to breastfeeding and you could try these items to give you some ease.


I don't consider a breastmilk pump or a nursing pillow like the Brest friend, the Minky or the Boppy an essential, just because I didn't use those products enough.
Remember: If you really feel like you need them, you can always get them later!
I was very lucky to be able to be with my baby girl all the time because I didn't have to go back to school or work. I only had her godmother watch her a couple times while I was writing my thesis. These were the only times I used a manual breast pump to have some breastmilk for her while she's away from me. Otherwise I wouldn't have used it at all.
The nursing pillow I had, was useful while I was pregnant to prop me up while sleeping. I had bad acid reflux and was nauseous a lot. I also used it to lean on it while breastfeeding because I had already spent around 60-70 bucks on it but any other pillow could've done that job. Seriously.

It's so easy to get overwhelmed with product lists these days, so I hope you found this short list helpful.

Let me know what your essentials are or were!

Thanks for visiting my blog!
Mery